Thursday, June 28, 2012

A Need for Frozen Peas

Recently, Jerry underwent a certain manly procedure that men with complete families undergo.  The Air Force is big proponent for this procedure, I guess because it's easier to take him off flying status for two weeks than giving him four weeks of paternity leave.

Men and women have a much different outlook when it comes to this sensitive procedure.  If you mention it to a man, they ALL say something like this:  "Oh, man!!  That sucks!!  Dude, make sure you buy lots of frozen peas.  I had it done a few years ago.  Ugh!  I'm glad I don't have to go through that again!"

If you ask a woman, a woman who has had children, they ALL say something like this:  "Oh, that's AWESOME!!  Congratulations!  What a relief you must feel!"

The disparity must lay in the relationship each gender has with his or her gonads.  Men hold (excuse the pun) their man jewels with a reverence we women usually reserve for our first born children, or an awesome pair of shoes.

Women, on the other hand, usually don't give much thought to their gonads, unless there is a medical problem with them.  Maybe because men's are all out there in the wide open spaces whereas women's are nicely contained within.

Maybe it's because we can't get kicked in ours.


I've been having a geeky good time comparing the types of reactions I get from each side of the gender card.  Men all get squeamish and apologetic, while women all get congratulatory and victorious.

Victorious?  Why are we HAPPY about our men folk getting their private man junk cut on?  Do we secretly want to inflict pain on our men?  Derive macabre satisfaction from their suffering?

No.  I don't think it's any of that.  I think it's a little matter of comeuppance.  A tiny, teeny feeling of IT'S YOUR TURN, BUDDY!!

The burden of reproduction falls very heavily on the shoulders of women.  Duh, right?  But think about it, we spend years on hormones trying to avoid getting pregnant, including all of the nausea, weird body changes, and symptoms those synthetic hormones can cause in our bodies.  (Not to mention the myriad of crappy symptoms I had with the Mirena IUD whose removal prompted the necessity of Jerry's procedure.)

Then, during pregnancy, our bodies turn from smoking hot to morphed blogs of unrecognizable mush.  For example, before pregnancy, who out there had a gorgeous chest and then after pregnancy and nursing, you look down and scream, "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THOSE THINGS?" wondering when you started looking so much like the tribal women seen on PBS?

Of course, let's not forget about labor and delivery.  Labor, at least natural non-drugged labor, is an experience not easily forgotten.  When I labored with Josh, I went for almost 8 hours stuck in transition, with almost constant contractions.  By the end, right before the doctor told me my cervix was swelling closed from the pain, I was literally begging for death.  Pain like that should not be possible. 

Only because of the numbing goodness of oxytocin would a woman ever choose to purposefully go through that AGAIN.

Can you see?  Can you see why I, and ALL the women I've talked to, get kind of IN YOUR FACE, SUCKER!! when discussing the big "V"?  It truly is the man's turn.  His turn to share in the burden of reproduction.  His turn to suffer for our family.

I'm tired of it being ALL ON ME.

So thanks, Honey.  Thanks for going through this procedure for me, for us, so I can get off the hormones and get my body back fully under my own control.  Thanks for stepping up and laying it all out there for our family. (So to speak.)

And by the way, it's not like I got away completely off of the hook.  I did have to buy five bags of frozen peas at the grocery store.

THAT is embarrassing!

Sunday, June 17, 2012


Thanks to my friend, Kerry, who is blogging her way through an entire year of NO new product purchases, (, I have been introduced to

This is a website where you can list thing you want to give away, or ask for something you need.  It's like a virtual swap meet.

In my spare time, of which I just had five minutes, the first time in 6 months, I like to check out for my old, affluent neighborhood near Houston.  (In Del Rio, there is no  Everything here is a want.)

I would just like to share with you a few interesting items I came across. 

1.  Wanted:  baby swing.  (OK.  That's reasonable.)

2.  Free:  Underwear  (Oh, jeez.  Thank you!)

3.  Wanted:  washer and dryer, but FRONT-loading only!  (Must have!!!)  (Me, too, buddy!)

4.  Free:  3 cups of pebbles and stones.  (Why?)

5.  Wanted:  New carpeting including padding.  (Should be easy enough to find.....)

6.  Free:  Pant lining.  (What?  I can't think of anything that wouldn't be disgusting.)

7.  Wanted:  New home and new kids but no furniture!!  (We all have those days, don't we?)

8.  Free:  Orange kitten  (I will give you $10 to keep it away.)

9.  Wanted:  Infant and Toddler (Why?  I can rent you mine!)

10.  Free:  Box of kids books K-2.  (Wait, what?  This is a good one!!  Hold on, I've got to call these people!)

So if you're like me and have five minutes every six months to spare, check out the for your area!  It's a hoot!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Pinterest Backyard Waterbed

 If you've never checked out Pinterest, leave this blog immediately, go to, and request an invitation to join the site.  Within 2 days you'll be able to join and then let the fun begin!

Pinterest is a virtual pin board where you and other people you "follow" can keep a record of all of the cool things found on the internet.  You can scroll through categories such as cooking, crafts, photography, education, etc. 

I've been trying to actually DO some of the awesome projects I've found on Pinterest.  Here is one that we did a few weeks ago.

This is a giant water-filled bladder, like a giant water bed.  It was made using plastic painters drop cloth with the edges duct-taped all around.  You put in 923856932874629387 gallons of water, plug 0972935872398523985719837519 holes along the tape, and you're ready for some fun!

 The plastic was wet and slippery, soft and squishy, and the kids had tons of fun running around on top of the backyard water bed, until...

 ...their heels started going through the plastic making giant, leaking holes.  I quickly duct-taped up the worst of the holes and told the kids to just roll around on it with standing up.

 This project was a LOT of work and quite a bit of money, especially taking into account the amount of water needed to fill this thing up.  The kids played on it many times over the course of the day, and believe it or not, they had more fun because of the holes than without them.  A wet backyard waterbed is fun!

Overall, I give this project a Pinterest rating of 3 out of 5 on a random scale of 0-5, one being didn't work/awful, to five being the best thing ever!!  It's a highly technical scale I just made up this exact second.

I will be rating other Pinterest projects I've tackled so you can know the real deal.  

If you get onto Pinterest, do a search for me and we can follow each other!

Happy Pinning!!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Swingset Mastery

These photos mark an important milestone that all children reach:  When they can pump themselves on a swing.

No more standing at the playground pushing a child back and forth and back and forth and higher, Mommy!! for an eternity.

Nope.  That's all over.  Now I can go sit down on the bench and watch the ants go marching by.

I'm excited about this.  Anything that allows me to be momentarily lazy is OK with me.  I'm know that in a few years I will be sad, thinking and longing for those days of playing with my little kids and pushing them on a swing.

But until then, I'm tired and really want to sit down.

Good job, Phoebe!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Hardware Store Find

I think I'll let you find out for your own what's so funny about this sign.

Find it yet?

I didn't know they sold that kind of thing at The Home Depot!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Crabs for Dinner

During our last Bahamas vacation, Jerry (which ironically means "man with spear") speared these tasty ocean creatures for dinner one night.  We scored three rock crabs and two tiny grouper that Jerry speared just to say that he did.

The kids always get a kick out of holding the dead crabs to see how much they weigh and how long they are.

Holding giant dead crabs negates the otherwise unmanly fact that Josh is wearing a Speedo.  

Phoebe has no fear of things living or dead.  We would often find her holding starfish, sea cucumbers (sea penises), jelly fish, hermit crabs, sea urchins, or some other poor sea creature.  She's not very gentle.  For many reasons, I'm glad I'm not a small animal in her hands.

The crabs really don't look that big when Jerry holds them.  He's so dang big that he makes the crabs look teeny tiny.

But they most certainly are NOT teeny or tiny!

Jerry would put them in a pot of boiling water to cook and then cut open the meat to share with the family.

Guess how much meat we would get out of that huge specimen?  Oh, maybe 2 bites each.  The body is full of gross things we won't eat, even though Mr. Zimmer from "Bizarre Foods" says you can eat all of that mess.  And those huge claws?  Almost nothing.  I'm not sure how those crabs actually moved their claws with such little muscle.

 With such a big catch, we would be hard pressed to survive on this alone.

OK, Mom, that sounds like a lot of complaining about the crabs Dad caught.  You know, he was SWIMMING when he caught these things.  He used a snorkel to get in and under some really sharp reefs, braving cold water, jellyfish and the giant shark you are certain lives in that cove yet no one has ever seen.  He had to find the crab or fish first, and then shoot it, a moving target, with a spear launched only with a slingshot.  

How many crabs did YOU catch?


Thursday, June 7, 2012

Beverage Barn

There is a type of store here in Texas that really blows my mind:  The drive-through beverage "barns".  What you do is:

1.  Drive into the barn, preferable in the correct direction, but hey, whatever.

2.  Stay in your car while the attendant comes to your window to take your "order".

3.  Watch the attendant pull from the refrigerators the items you have asked for.

4.  Scream out of your window when they reach for the red Mountain Dew instead of the green.

5.  Accept items you ordered when attendant hands them into your window.

6.  Pay attendant.

7.  Drive away with beverages, snacks, ice, batteries, and maybe a frozen Margarita in hand.

Now, if that is not awesome enough, the above beverage "barn" in a neighboring town takes it one step further.  Not only can you get you and yours fed and watered, but you can also provide for those you've left at home.  Like your cows, horses, chickens, dogs, and unruly children you've locked in the closet.

OK.  Maybe not THAT.

Attendant:  Howdy, Ma'am/Sir.  Can I help you? 

Customer:  Yes.  I would like a Diet Coke, a pack of peanuts, and a bottle of water.

Attendant:  Anything else?

Customer:  Yes.  Throw in a 40 pound bag of kibble, one sack of deer corn over there, 6 bags of ice, some sweet feed, and some ivermectin for the horses.  Just throw all that stuff in the back of the truck.  Much obliged.

Then you pay and go about your business knowing you have your Coke, the kids have their water or Big Red, and Bessie the Cow has some nice feed coming her way.

Country livin' at it's finest!