Thursday, September 30, 2010

A New First

No, not a first for Phoebe or one of the other kids; a first for me!

While making goody bags for Josh's in class birthday party tomorrow, Paige wanted to show me a new flavor of lollipop in the jumbo bag of Dum Dum's I bought.

"Look Mom! Savanna blueberry!", she exclaimed while holding the lollipop up to my face for me to see.

"Honey, move it back. I can't see it when you hold it that close!"

Uh oh.

I AM getting old! Old enough that already my arms are getting too short for my vision!

Add that to the joint aches and pains, wrinkles, loose skin all over my body, liver spots on my face, and general grumpiness, I might as well start stocking up on Depends and Ensure.

I blame the children. My life was so carefree and easy before having one, two, three stress-inducing balls of energy-stealing cretins.

The jokes on them, though. When I'm prematurely old, guess who's gonna have to take care of me? Ha ha!!!

"Paige honey? I'm old so I'm moving in with you!!!!!"

"Ahhhh, Mommmmmmmm!"

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I Miss the Desert

"With tuppence for paper and strings
You can have your own set of wings
With your feet on the ground
You're a bird in a flight
With your fist holding tight
To the string of your kite

Oh, oh, oh!
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height!
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite!

When you send it flyin' up there
All at once you're lighter than air
You can dance on the breeze
Over 'ouses and trees
With your first 'olding tight
To the string of your kite

Oh, oh, oh!
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height!
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Let's go fly a kite!"

Monday, September 27, 2010

In Your FACE!!!!

(Click on the above graph. You'll hate me!)

Remember all of those posts I've put up complaining about the rain?

I can complain no more!!!!!!

(How ya like them apples?

I like mine candy red with it's convertible top down, 415 horsepower, and six speeds of go fast!

(Be jealous of me. I am jealous of me!)

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I Like Big Butts!

You might have thought that I have forgotten to bore you with more impersonal pictures from our outing to the zoo last week.

You would be wrong. Here goes:

While at the zoo last week, we were all tuckered out and in the final stage of attraction viewing which is the just-keep-going-it-will-be-over-soon-because-it's-hot-and-the-kids-are-fussing phase.

So far we had seen all of the major animals we came to see: Lions, check. Tigers, check. Bears, Oh my!

As we came around what we were all hoping was the last corner, we found ourselves face to glass with a giant tank of water.

What's in that water we wondered?

Well, we didn't really have to wonder long because they were kinda hard to miss.

Hippos! Hippos! Two of them!

I don't think I've ever seen hippos at a zoo before and I have been to a lot of zoos!

They were HUGE! (No, duh!) The pictures don't do them justice. They were peacefully asleep underwater just doing their thing.

Besides the lady outside of Wal-Mart the other day, I have never seen such giant booties in all of my life!

Major junk!

The kids were mesmorised by the giant butts and the colorful fish that lived on the wrong end of the hippos.

(Which end of a hippo is good? The giant crunching mouth, or an ass so large you KNOW it has to expel some seriously funky farts!)

Jerry on the other hand was being the other kind of ass.

(Love you, baby!)

Saturday, September 25, 2010


Let's play a game!

I'll post something really weird to take pictures of and you have to guess what it is!


Here's the first of the three random photos. Any ideas?

Here's a clue: It's not normally styled like Medusa but more like a green garnish wheel.

Need another clue? It's juice sacrificed itself to make one of the best margaritas I've ever drinken.



Yes, I think I was when I took these pictures.

(Margarita recipe coming soon!)

Friday, September 24, 2010


Paige is six. Six year old girls are really very silly.

Paige: What do you call a snake that likes to bowl?

Me: What?

Paige: A bowling constrictor!

Sometimes when I've forgotten something, like where I set my keys, what I was about to do, how to breath, Paige will get all know-it-all-y and get on my case about how forgetful I am.

Last night while I stood perfectly still, remote in hand, and proceeded to forget what the heck I was about to do, Paige fixed it all for me by hopping up and down and shouting:

"MOM!!! You have GOT to learn your rememories!!"

Yeah. Right.

Easy for you to say!

Josh is goofy, too.

When he fell the other day, he started hollering and crying, doing a toned-down wolf howl cry. When he finally remembered to breath, he yelled, "MOM!!! I fell and hurt my fibula!"

To the rest of us, he fell and hurt his shin bone.

While cloud gazing the other day, which is a great sport around here what with all of the puffy fat clouds scooting by all of the time, we were having fun telling each other what we could see in the clouds.

Me: Look, Josh. I can see a seahorse. There's it's tail, long nose, and fins.

Josh: Oh, yeah! I can see it! But look over there! I can see a parasaurolophus!

To the rest of us, a crested, duck-billed quadraped dinosaur.

Right-e-o smartypants!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Face Paint

This is what happens when it rains too many days in a row and we are all cooped up inside a smallish apartment sporting ugly yellow walls with ugly yellow incandescent lighting and the children are bored and driving me crazy but we don't have anywhere to go and by the way there's a dang torrential rainstorm outside I ain't going out in.

Josh asked for another dinosaur. He got Lightning McQueen.

Paige asked for some girly flowers and butterflies and other silly six year old girl things.

She got dolphins.

It's still raining and cloudy. STILL. I better brainstorm some more face paint ideas.

I'm gonna need something to do!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Lonely Home

Our attempts to sell this beautiful house have failed.

15 showings in four months with nothin', nada, zilch, zip.

Not one offer, not one second showing, no nothing.

I think it's the carpet. Jerry is tired of hearing me say I think it's the carpet.

Who wants carpet?

Anyway, now it's time to try and rent this gorgeous four bedroom, two bath single story home.

We are listing it on our own while our realtor gets a few more weeks to try and sell it.

We have sunk to new levels. We, by we I mean ME, are really anxious about losing our housing allowance in January and still having this gorgeous house to pay for.

We, I mean I, have resorted to bribery. Hey, it works for the furniture stores and the apartment complexes, it can work for me, I mean, us!

Feel free to check out this blog I've made for prospective renters to see the house in more detail.

It really is a very nice house, reasonably priced, in a great neighborhood, with awesome neighbors.

I almost don't feel bad trying to bribe renters.

But if you are in need of a nice, open floor plan home in NW Houston, you will receive a FREE 40" Flat Screen TV as your house warming gift!

Oh, yes we did!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Feeding the Ducks

In the middle of the San Antonio zoo is this gorgeous, only slightly stinky pond. Since there were picnic tables on one side, plenty of shade, and bathrooms across the way, we decided to eat lunch near the only a little bit smelly water.

Josh asked if we could feed the ducks that were scattered in pockets here and there around the pond.

I know the usual zoo rule is not to feed the animals so I was the party pooper and said, "No."

So we sat down to feed ourselves, rustling open our chips and sandwich bags.

If you know anything about ducks, those sounds are akin to ringing the dinner bell and yelling "Dinner!"

Oh, hey, look kids! A pelican! How beautiful!

Oh, my! Lots of pelicans!

Oh, no! Too many pelicans!

Ducks! Ducks? Where are all of the dang ducks?

"Mommy, can we feed the pelicans?"

No, no, absolutely NOT.

Sunday, September 19, 2010


Here we all are, stuck inside on another rainy afternoon.

It's dark inside our apartment, and not just because of the clouds.

It's dark inside when the sun is shining, too. I imagine it's like living underground.

Not that I ever want to have a chance at a first hand comparison.

But here we are. Stuck inside.




We have no plans. We have no schedule, no place to be, no one to see. But here we are.




What are we waiting for? What will we do? Who will we see?

Here we are stuck inside again while the world goes on around us.

Life is happening all around us. Good, bad, indifferent.

But here we are waiting.

Waiting for our turn.

Saturday, September 18, 2010


There are some animals that are just so weird that they're cool.

Like this cassowary we saw at the zoo.

A what?

A cassowary is a large, flightless bird that is native to the tropical forests of New Guinea and Australia. They are primarily frugivorous, fruit eaters, but sometimes they will eat insects, frogs, or snakes.

They are related to other flightless birds, such as emu and ostrich. The can jump five feet, swim long distances, and stomp the crap out of animals or people that get too aggravating, though this is not common.

Don't you sometimes wish you could stomp the crap out of people that get too aggravating?

Alas, cassowaries have no morals. Or prisons. Oh, well.

I digress...

One thing cassowaries are known for is their poop. Yep, poop. Again.

Don't you think there are too many poop references in my posts?

Well, s#@t happens!

Cassowaries eat tons of fruit, in the process ingesting the seeds of the fruit. When the seeds are excreted in their scat, aka wild animal poop, the seeds are encased in yummy cassowary fertilizer. According to one random study I found, 92% of seeds contained inside of cassowary poop will grow compared to only 4% of seeds not in the poop.

As a cassowary sign at the zoo said, "How many trees have you planted?"

As interesting as cassowaries are to look at, I can't help but think "dinosaur" when I see one of these birds. There are books and books, scientist after scientist who argue that one lineage of dinosaur, over millions of years evolved into today's modern birds.

As a Christian I often find myself conflicted over this theology conundrum. On the one hand I take the Creation story as truth based on faith, and on the other hand I take the evolution theory as truth based on scientific evidence.

I taught biology 101 lab to freshmen back in college and the biggest topic was evolution. I took oodles of classes about evolutionary development. I almost changed my major to evo devo. I understand it. I get it. It makes perfect sense to me.

And after seeing an animal like this it's hard not to see some form of evolution at work.

Or not.

Maybe the key is that we're not supposed to know.

Maybe we are made to wonder.

Friday, September 17, 2010


Last weekend we went to the San Antonio Zoo. It is a surprising gem of animal wonderful-ness, tucked away in the middle of the city. We were pleasantly surprised at how nice it is, how many awesome animals there were, and how comfortable the layout is.

Is there anything worse than having to look at someone else's pictures from the zoo? Let's see:

The zoo is just one of those places that you have to experience for yourself. Looking at someone else's photos is OK, like a root canal is OK, but as a blogger it's kind of my job to bore you with our individual experiences.

Like this photo, it's nice and all, you can see the kids and maybe say, "Ahh. They're so cute!" But other than that this photo will mean nothing to you.

One thing that is worse than looking at random zoo photos is when your parents make you give to the zoo all of your allowance money when you're stupid enough to throw your trash in the tiger moat.

You do the crime, you do the time! (JOSH.)

This is REALLY much worse than looking at other people's photos. The smell of these flamingos! 50 birds + 500 sq. ft. = Peeeeeee Uuuuuuuuuuuu!

Not minding the photos so much now are you?

Wait until you see what else is at our cool zoo!

Thursday, September 16, 2010


In case you haven't been reading all of my posts, which I don't blame you for as I can get pretty darn boring at times, you may have missed the fact that we are not really living in the desert anymore.

About two of the longest weeks of my life ago, we moved temporarily to San Antonio. If you've never been here then get that picture out of your head what you think San Antonio looks like. It ain't no desert. It's part of Texas Hill Country and as so it is very hilly and quite green with only a tad of desert thrown in. In a word, it's gorgeous.

But then again, it is not the desert and here we are living in the middle of the Suburbans, AGAIN, without a single cactus or scorpion in sight.

Then why are we here?

So my husband can learn to fly this plane, the T-38. Well, he already knows how to fly it as he trained in it millions of years ago when we first lived in Del Rio, but he's here training to be an instructor of this plane.

Both at Laughlin Air Force Base and here at Randolph AFB, you can see and hear these jets streak down the flight line, go zooming overhead, and blast of into the horizon, afterburners glowing bright.

It's very Top Gun, but without the pesky Navy or extraordinary amount of sexy men playing bare-chested beach volleyball.

One day, a week or so before leaving Laughlin to come to San Antonio, Jerry told me a funny story. As he was walking from his car heading toward his office that sits right next to the runway on base, he watched a group of four T-38's taking off in formation.

He told me that for the first time ever, he was jealous of himself.

"I get to fly that plane, EVERYDAY. I get to pull G's, fly low, break the sound barrier, do flips and loops, and scare the heck out of my student pilot EVERYDAY. I have the BEST JOB IN THE WORLD!!!"

Yes, yes you do!

(It's about time you noticed you lucky duck!)

But that's Jerry. Living life day by day, focusing on the now but ready for the future. Always ready to embrace an unexpected windfall of good fortune.

One wheel flying through the air, the other firmly on the ground.

And loving every single second.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Back by Popular Demand!

The last set of goofy pics got such a great response I've decided to try my luck and post some more!

Enjoy the madness!

AHHHHGH!! Two Paula's!! The world cannot handle two Paula's!

Oh, and nice boobies, Josh.

This is the most horrible photo of Paige ever taken.


Oink, oink! Bacon!

Lookin' good kids!

Mandy, does this look like the Mask guy? Soooo handsome!

"Then all the Who's down in Whoville will all cry boo hoo!"

Come on, give me sugar!!!!!