Homemade Survival Kit

The new school year is quickly approaching. Three more weeks before my life becomes extraordinarily more difficult. Because of this, I have been taking advantage of these last few hot, lazy days to do absolutely NOTHING. No outings, no projects, minimal cleaning, light laundry, and my kids are barely getting fed. Well, not so much this last one.

Yesterday morning, however, I felt a bit panicky thinking about some of the projects I wanted to get done before school starts. Like going through last years school stuff to make room for this years school stuff. Or going through the girls' toys, again, to purge the mess. Or washing the rest of the exterior windows.

So of course I decided to go through and replenish my survival kit!!!

???

Yep. School may be only three weeks away, the girls' room is constantly in a state of chaos, and Armageddon is highly remote, so restocking my survival kit seemed like the best use of my time.

I am a screwball.

I've had a survival kit since Jerry and I first got married. I'm not sure why. I'm not sure what I think could ever happen to warrant the use of this survival kit. In my over-active imagination fueled by highly improbably Hollywood movies, I have decided to have a kit and never need one instead of needing one and not having it.

My last survival kit was awful, limited, and in a shoebox. After researching what is in a good survival kit, I have repacked mine and would like to share my knowledge with you.

Maybe you're a screwball like me.

Here's a not-so-quick rundown of my survival kit line-up:

1. LED flashlights, extra batteries, and a hand crank flashlight. (It's a good thing I caught it, but I was about to pack AA batteries for my AAA flashlight.)


2. A real, honest-to-goodness slingshot. Yes, we already had one laying around. Again, I am a screwball. And so is my husband.


3. A baggie full of baggies. Baggies are great for catching rain, dew, storing water/food/clothes/anything.

4. My medicine stash. It's a bit extensive. Here's what it includes: Aspirin, ibuprofen, Doxycycline, primaquine(anti-malarial), Zyrtec, an anti-diarrheal, multi-vitamins, iron supplements (I'm anemic), petroleum jelly, chapstick (+8)((I guess I really, really don't want chapped lips while trying to survive!), ear plugs, heating pads, syringe, anti-fungal cream, triple antibiotic, toothbrush.

5. Wrapped around the ibuprofen is 20+ yards of fishing line.


6. Pens, pencils, and a notepad. Good for leaving notes behind you, keeping records, or tinder in an emergency. Note the red wax pens that will work on anything.


7. A towel, a whistle, paper clips and safety pins (good for many things), and clear tubing. If you've ever watched Bear Grylls survive, you'll know what the tubing is for.


8. A couple of knives, switch blades to be exact (I have no idea where or why I have switch blades in my house), a Leatherman tool (like a super-Swiss Army knife), and a battery powered weather radio (with batteries turned backwards).


9. A deck of cards and a military-issue New Testament. Nothing will drive you crazy faster than boredom. And lack of hope. Cards = Entertainment. Bible = Hope, Salvation, Comfort, Love.


10. Fish hooks and a few wormy bates thrown in for good measure.


11. A sewing kit including needles, pins, thread, and buttons. Also some upholstery thread which is thicker and stronger.


12. Thermo blankets made of flimsy, aluminum foil type material. As you can see there are only four. I guess I last stocked the survival kit before Phoebe was born. I better get another one or somebodies gonna have to go cold, and it ain't gonna be me!


13. Lighters, lighters, lighters, and more lighters. And some matches from the Isle of Capri Hotel and Casino in Bossier City, LA.


14. With those lighters I can ignite these burning thingies I can't remember what they're called. You light them and they stay lit, burning like kindling to help get a fire going.


15. The white cord is just cording, but the green stuff is 550 lb. test parachute cord. One length of that stuff can support, you guessed it, 550 lbs.


16. More baggies, a few aluminum foil pouches for cooking inside a fire, and a stack of coffee filters (for filtering water).


17. Food: Rice, beans, sugar, and salt. We may not starve for a few days but we sure will be tooting up a storm!


Some how I got all of that mess into one helmet bag. Well, almost everything. The pepper, toothpaste, and mystery cording had to go.

I'll have to get a bigger bag though, because I left out a few things that take up more space. I have these things ordered or I will be picking them up at Wal-Mart asap. After all, nothing bad is happening any minute now.

These additional items are:

1. A mirror for communication
2. A compass.
3. a tarp
4. water purifying tabs
5. small bottle of bleach
6. magnifying glass for starting fires (as if I would need it with my 12732987 lighters).
7. A US Army-issued surgical and suture kit. (Kinda scary, but better safe than sorry.)
8. Duct tape. Good for securing and as bandages (that's why there are none in my medical kit).
9. Super-glue. Useful for small, cleaned cuts and scrapes. Better than butterfly bandages. (Don't put antibiotic cream over top of super-glue. It will dissolve the adhesive.)


Well, that's about it. I'm almost good to go; safe from non-impending doom. When nothing at all happens, I will be well-prepared.

(I really don't get why I feel so driven to have a survival kit. After all, if Armageddon is coming, I don't plan on being here anyway. I'll be up in the clouds, raptured, and safe. Maybe somebody else can have my kit. =)

Happy Surviving!

College Savings Fund: Tennis Scholarships!

One perk to living on an Air Force base is the easily accessible amenities like playgrounds, gyms, and sports fields.

This is one of the new soccer fields available for on base residents. Once upon a time, 12 years ago when Jerry and I were here while he was a student pilot, this field looked much different, didn't it Lindsey? It was an on-base trailer park. It was the nicest trailer park EVER, with old growth oaks, green, green grass, and beautiful landscaping.

But the trailers are gone and the soccer goals are here instead.


On the far end of the field is this single tennis court. It has nice shade, a picnic pavilion, a net strap, and working lights. It's THE perfect tennis court to teach kids as there is only one court within the fence. No more having to yell, "Sorry! Sorry, again, that my kid hit another ball into your court!"


Jerry was a hotshot tennis player in school but ended up giving it up when his temper got the better of his playing. He's still very good and hits the ball so dang hard it's impossible for me to return it. Once upon a time he coached tennis to shorties like our kids so it was a no brainer whether the kids were going to learn tennis or not.

(I love tennis. I'm no good, but I love it. I grew up never having anyone to play with, and since my kids LOVE tennis, too, it seems that I've had to breed my own tennis partners. It works!)


Paige hits a ball like me. That is; awfully. She has a wicked slice and looks all weird when she hits a forehand. Like me. Her backhand is pretty good though. Like me. Kinda weird how much she's like me. Maybe that's why she drives me crazy.

We've been enjoying playing in the mornings even though the beauty of the desert sky can be a distraction:


Yep. There it is..........


Oh, sorry. Got a bit distracted by the clouds. Here's Jerry again trying to improve Paige's forehand.

So far, I think the only thing that has improved has been Jerry's patience. What he says is, "No, Paige. You twisted your wrist again. Keep your arm still." But what he really want to say is, "AHHHHHH!!!!! STOP TWISTING YOUR WRIST! THAT'S ENOUGH WE'RE GOING HOME!"

He's making HUGE improvements.


Phoebe is too young for tennis. So she takes up professional Gatorade drinking while the kids have their lessons.


Then there's The Boy. Jerry put a racket in his hand last summer and served him a ball. Josh, with no prior experience, swung at the ball and returned it perfectly; over the net, no slice, high-to-low, textbook swing.

Paige and I kind of hate him for that.

But I love to watch his natural talent unfold. He is awesome at tennis. Seriously. As he has a cooler head than his daddy, if he gets Jerry's size and power, Josh will be an unstoppable tennis player. Hello, college scholarship!

Sometimes I get lost in thought while watching Josh play. I begin to daydream about him all grown up. My mind wanders.....

Oh. Sorry. Dang clouds. They're just so wonderful and thought provoking!


What was I saying? Oh, yes, Josh and his awesomeness.

I think I've covered that thoroughly. Josh is awesome naturally, and as we keep telling Paige, she too can be awesome but she'll just have to work a bit harder. Like the rest of us.



And what about Phoebe? I'm afraid what her college scholarship will be. Is drinking considered a sport?

Gatorade drinking, that is.

Farming is Hard

Paula, Paula, how does your garden grow?

Not very well it turns out.

My cucumbers had to go as they were destroyed by thrips. My green beans produced one round of yummy vegetables and then they too had to go. Thrips. I tell ya. Nasty little things!

The tomatoes bloom like crazy, yet produce only a smattering of fruit. Come to find out, the Roma variety I bought at the local Home Depot, does not set fruit when the temperature gets above 95∘. We haven't seen less than 103∘ during the day for over a month. Go figure.

Guess what is loving the heat? That's right, the jalapenos!


My teeny tiny plant produced 8 perfect peppers all at the same time. When I finally got home from a 3 week trip, many of the fruits had started to turn red. Did you know red jalapenos are perfectly good to eat? In fact, they are sweeter and not as hot as their immature green buddies.

The peppers were a bit small for bacon-wrapped jalapeno poppers, so I made salsa instead.


This is a mango salsa. I am not a chef so I have no recipe to share with you, but here are the ingredients in case you want to make some for yourself. Just add each ingredient until you think you have enough.

seeded and finely chopped jalapenos (please wear gloves while handling the jalapenos)
finely chopped sweet yellow onion
diced tomatoes
diced cucumber without seeds
diced ripe mangoes
fresh cilantro (warning! a little goes a long way!)
fresh lime juice
maybe some salt? I can't remember.

However I made it, it was yummy and great on the Panko fried fish we had for dinner.

Ole!

Strike a Pose

Have you ever noticed how celebrities always pose for the paparazzi in the same position? Some turn ginormous booties toward the camera and then look back over their shoulders. Others cross one leg in front of the other with one hand on a hip.

You get the idea.

How do you strike a pose?

This is how it's done 'round here:

We'll start with the men, shall we?


Men strike manly poses of course. Chest out, stomachs in, abs tight, with manly scowls or like my brother-in-law, in a very manly rock star position.


Sometimes the "extra manly" pose comes out.


Man with spear. Can't get much more manly than a man with a spear, can you?


Yeah, OK. Show off.

Shall we move on to the kids?


Here's Paige in her favorite pose: The "I-will-grab-grapple-pick-up-smother-annoy someone" pose.

And yes, it really is this annoying to be on the receiving end of her go-to pose. She's a strong, persistent little thing!


Ah, yes. Phoebe and her funny face pose. I don't really find this face all that funny do you? I love it because I love her, but really child, just say "HONEY!*" like the rest of us please!

*If you say "honey" instead of "cheese", you will avoid that fake smile thing you see so often in photos. Saying "honey" uses more of the same muscles you use when smiling than saying "cheese".

**100% of you will now say "honey" and "cheese" out loud to test this. Go ahead. I'll wait.

(Told you so!)

Anyway,

Let's move on to the ladies:


Here's Mandy. She always strikes a good pose. She was a dancer.

'Nuff said.

Here's me. I have a problem with posing. I end up making weird faces like I'm too embarrassed to stand for a picture.


And more recently I've been sporting this muscle-woman pose. Why in the world do I do that? I'm not that strong, I'm not in the best shape, so why do I pop this pose all too often?

It's a problem with what to do with my arms. Like that guy from "Talladega Nights", my arms just feel all wrong in a photo. What do I do with them?


Here's one of me all kind of limp and non-weird. Well, kinda weird.

Alright, that's enough. Now you see why I don't pose for too many pictures?

But what about Josh? you ask. You mention Paige and Phoebe, but what about Josh? What does he do?

Oh. He's a mess.


Yes.

Josh. Is. A. Mess.

Awesome Company Vehicles

Some people have company cars. A Toyota Prius, Honda Civic, or maybe a Ford F150.

This is Jerry's company car.

It's a T-38. They use this to train fighter pilots. That's what he does. Train fighter pilots for the Air Force.

It goes faster than sound. It rockets through canyons, along rivers, and higher than the clouds.

It's a pretty cool job. An awesome company vehicle.


Sometimes I get jealous of him and his cool job/work car. Especially after spending oodles of time in an old and kind of stinky Suburban.

But then I switch and start taking the kids around in MY company car. My OTHER work vehicle.


This is MY work vehicle.


My minivan.

Wanna race?

Spoiled Rotten Angry Birds

The iStuff game, Angry Birds, is really popular in our house. On Saturdays and Sundays when the kids are allowed to play iThings, they spend a good hour each day sling-shooting birds at green piggies wearing helmets. (Sling-shotting? Sling-shooting?)

The kids have even begun playing "angry birds" imagination games, and have gotten as a completely undeserved present a stuffed angry bird of their own.

One morning they asked me face paint angry birds on their cheeks. So I spent a good 30 minutes of my busy morning painting blue, black, and red birds on their cheeks.


As you can tell from their very happy faces, the kids were not happy with me. After spending said 30 minutes painting their faces, I asked them to let me photograph the paintings for my face paint website (http://happytuesdayfacepaint.blogpsot.com).

Oh my word you would have thought I'd asked them to give up their eyelashes in exchange for snarling pitbulls!

I had to cajole, order, threaten, and fuss at them to get them to spend 30 seconds of their completely not busy morning to pose for two photos.

GRRRRR!!!!!!!

Apple, Inc., if you're reading this, please hire one of these app companies to make a game for us parents to play called "Spoiled Children".

In the game, please have whiny, spoiled children poised precariously on stacks of destroyed and messy toys, and then let us sling shoot things at them trying to blow them into smithereens.

We can shoot things like vacuums, mops, sponges, toothbrushes, school books, and dirty socks at them. All the things they hate.

Ahhhh. That would be a super fun game!

Stupid Air Force Signs #1

When you run into a convenient store, what do you normally need to pick up?

How about milk? Bread? Eggs?

Well, on an Air Force base, apparentely people also need bread and milk quickly. But not eggs.

Oh, no!

We don't need eggs in a hurry, we need KEGS!!!

Hurry! There's a party I need to have right now! Quick! Somebody run to the shoppette and get some milk, bread, and kegs!

Phew! Emergency supplies of kegs!

Thank goodness!