Sunday, July 31, 2011

Strike a Pose

Have you ever noticed how celebrities always pose for the paparazzi in the same position? Some turn ginormous booties toward the camera and then look back over their shoulders. Others cross one leg in front of the other with one hand on a hip.

You get the idea.

How do you strike a pose?

This is how it's done 'round here:

We'll start with the men, shall we?

Men strike manly poses of course. Chest out, stomachs in, abs tight, with manly scowls or like my brother-in-law, in a very manly rock star position.

Sometimes the "extra manly" pose comes out.

Man with spear. Can't get much more manly than a man with a spear, can you?

Yeah, OK. Show off.

Shall we move on to the kids?

Here's Paige in her favorite pose: The "I-will-grab-grapple-pick-up-smother-annoy someone" pose.

And yes, it really is this annoying to be on the receiving end of her go-to pose. She's a strong, persistent little thing!

Ah, yes. Phoebe and her funny face pose. I don't really find this face all that funny do you? I love it because I love her, but really child, just say "HONEY!*" like the rest of us please!

*If you say "honey" instead of "cheese", you will avoid that fake smile thing you see so often in photos. Saying "honey" uses more of the same muscles you use when smiling than saying "cheese".

**100% of you will now say "honey" and "cheese" out loud to test this. Go ahead. I'll wait.

(Told you so!)


Let's move on to the ladies:

Here's Mandy. She always strikes a good pose. She was a dancer.

'Nuff said.

Here's me. I have a problem with posing. I end up making weird faces like I'm too embarrassed to stand for a picture.

And more recently I've been sporting this muscle-woman pose. Why in the world do I do that? I'm not that strong, I'm not in the best shape, so why do I pop this pose all too often?

It's a problem with what to do with my arms. Like that guy from "Talladega Nights", my arms just feel all wrong in a photo. What do I do with them?

Here's one of me all kind of limp and non-weird. Well, kinda weird.

Alright, that's enough. Now you see why I don't pose for too many pictures?

But what about Josh? you ask. You mention Paige and Phoebe, but what about Josh? What does he do?

Oh. He's a mess.


Josh. Is. A. Mess.